Life of me!!

My past taught me to at least tackle something for my future but it hasn’t taught me enough to endure the present

 

Life for me is something that I always question. I need to reflect on why I am going in circles. Despite my efforts, I continue to feel overwhelmed by the weight of my shortsighted solutions. My shortsightedness stems from the fact that I am not perfect. I am not perfect; if I were, I would not be present on the earth. So life, the whole realm, gears around unfathomable sufferings and mistakes.

What more should and can I say about life? When I think back, there are many incidents that make my eyes well up with tears. The tears of rejection, abandonment, failure, and the list goes on. The journey isn’t pleasant. It isn’t adventurous. It was not like what I might have expected. The agony of remembering someone’s face vividly, the failure of love, the grief of parents’ sickness, and the nervousness of struggling to catch and hold of good professional verve.

I feel like I want to go away and run somewhere very fast. Run to the top of the mountain, where prayer flags waft lively and called for divinity. Run to discover where you are. Run to summon the divine god to alleviate my suffering as a solitary man. I want to swiftly get and catch one that always disturbs my peaceful state of mind. Run to become what I am destined to. I will have to hold on for the marathon for the small goals and the values that I have to inculcate to nullify my weakness.

There was a time when I said, I am not always alone. There was a time when I uttered, "I am not bad." Those are my best memories of being happy in your arms and how I've grown. My past taught me to at least tackle something for my future, but it hasn’t taught me enough to endure the present. The pain is only the word that always recognizes me and tries to make me comfortable, but it exceeds the level of my warmth.

The pain intensifies when I am left alone. The pain intensifies when I visualize your face, despite my best efforts to avoid it. I have no choice but to accept the mercy of dogs waving their tails and a cat slowly climbing on my lap to comfort and wish me peace. These two animals try so hard to console me.

I am all buried under your rejection and abandonment, and the agony is ruling my life. Please help me!!!