Life for me is something that I always question about. I need to question myself for where I am turning around. And still I get buried under the burden of my short sighted solutions. Short sighted for I am not perfect. I am not perfect for if I am I wouldn’t be here on the earth. So life, the whole realm gears around unfathomable sufferings and mistakes.
What more should and can I say about life? When I think back there are many incidences that make my eyes well up with tears. The tears of rejection, abandon, failure, and lists goes on. The journey isn’t good. It isn’t an adventurous. It was not like what I might have expected. The agony of remembering someone’s face vividly, the failure of lone, grief of parents’ sickness, and the nervousness of struggling to catch and hold of good professional verve.
I feel like I want to go away and run somewhere very fast. Run onto the top of the mountain where prayer flags waft lively and call for divinity. Run for to find where you are. Run to call the divine god to answer my agony of lone men. I want to swiftly get and catch one that always disturbs my peaceful state of mind. Run for to become what I am destined to. I will have to hold on for marathon for the small goals and the values that I have to inculcate to nullify my weakness.
There was time when I said, I am not always alone. There was time when I uttered I am not bad. Those were my best reminisce about how I was happy in your arms, the reminiscence of how I have grown. My past taught me to at least tackle something for my future but it hasn’t taught me enough to endure the present. The pain is only the word that always reckons me and tries to make me comfort but it exceeds the level of my warmth.
The pain when I am all alone. The pain when I visualize your face which I try hard not to. No choice but to except the mercy wagging of dogs’ tail and a cat slowly climbing on my lap to comfort and wish please for me. These two animals try so hard to console me.
I am all buried under your rejection, abandon and the agony is ruling my life, please help me!!!