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Saturday, May 21, 2011

WHat I Always wanted to tEll you KinZa

From the day you excepted my proposal, i felt, I achieved something in my life. I didn't know that our good relation will ruin. Just to be frank, I have never said I love you to anyone before. And too I haven't been able to truly look at you and say "I want to be forever". But i really felt from my inner of heart. Everything was my diffidence that forbid me. In most relationship, the time to say good bye usually arrives at one point or another. I have seen many couple break-up after sometime.They have shared memories that has made them laugh or cry, and some says its time to take our experiences, put them in your back and move on.But I cannot do that.

I didn't promise you everything, I didn't give you anything, may be I didn't let you be happy, i didn't help you much, I didn't date you, i didn't cuddle you and I didn't talk to you much. From the day i departed from you, from Tashigang i felt something was always missing with me. Meeting and separating is the law of nature. We cannot stop that. From that I missed you so much.

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when we heard something  different about our dear one. I did't know how much you have confirm that i have relationship with other girl. And i am too not sure how much you believe rumors. 

I still remember your dialogs. When I think back my eyes are always filling up with tears. Whenever my friends question about our relation I blushed always. I can't say anything. In such situations I am dumb Sangay. Every body praise your good characters. And I know you were good, is good and will be good always. I am not praising you. I know how compassionate you are, how much exquisite you are, how much frank you are, how much lovely you are... 

Kinza.. Don't think I am bullshitting here. What is said and written here is solely what i feel and wanted to tell you. Do you know why I am not telling you all these in phone call? Reason is I am afraid of how you will react. And whenever I call you I end up saying how are you, how is your training going on? How is everything there? how is ngawang and all.. and after all these, I have to end my call though I have  something I wanted to tell you always. 

I was told, "you dumped me". Yes you are correct I dumped you because you thought that I dump you. It is not Kinza. I have never leave you, never hate you, never neglected you. I always love and care you. I have never  hold your hands to tell you that I love you the most in this world. I always wanted to tell you this. 

And, one question I want to ask you, do you believe in what people who know you but not in contact tells you that I love you online ??? Due to internet we are expose to everything. We meet different kind of people online. People flirt. They tell lies. I too have many online friends. Maximum of them are girls. I chat with them but never in serious. I never tell lies and cheat others. 

THe main point I wanted to tell you is I want  to REJOIN you. Please forgive me for what has happened. Your absence in my life is making me crazy. Sometimes I lost in thinking of you. Hope I wouldn't go mad thinking thinking of you. And if  I am mad may be that is my fate. 

lastly, Kinza, I am making my two hands one and begging you to forgive me for annoying by sending your epistles and all. This is the biggest crime I have committed.ever in my life and I still regret it. Whenever I go in Temples, lhakhangs I always offers my shagpaa. And I hope one day god will hear me.  I still love you care you more than anyone in this world. 

And don't mind if you think it's a nonsense. Good Luck KINZA..... 

With warm regards from your Sangay......


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